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A Chicken in Every Pot ...

Bolstered by Good Grape’s recent nomination in the categories of Best Overall Wine Blog and Best Wine Graphics in the American Wine Blog Awards, I would like to announce my candidacy for President of the United States of America in 2008.

I am ignoring my mother’s emphatic proclamations from when I was a child: “If Bobby jumped off a cliff would you do it, too?”  It does seem as if everybody else is doing it.

There are enough Democratic contenders to round out a rec softball team with most of the candidates vying to hold down right field.  Instead of Barack Obama invoking Abe Lincoln, I will be invoking Thomas Jefferson, a wine fans’ favored president based on his love of the grape.

Running on a platform of, “A chicken in every pot (preferably Coq au Riesling) and a vineyard in every backyard,” I would have a standing meeting with the Congressional Wine Caucus for their frequent mixers.  But, I may have some problem first selecting a Vice-President because my proposed candidate is a Canuck.  His name is Jeff, as well—introducing Jeff Chorniak from Toronto.

Chorniak owns what is believed to be the world’s smallest vineyard—the Africus Rex patio vineyard.  His vineyard is 7-foot by 11-foot square and is planted with 26 Cabernet Franc bonsai vines.  The winery—all 108 square feet of it—is in his cellar. 

It’s believed that Chorniak will be able to rally suburban constituents interested in backyard viticulture.

Bonsai vines can be purchased for around $100 and can reach up to 14 inches in height.  Varieties include Chardonnay, Zinfandel, Cabernet Franc, and Cabernet Sauvignon.

For those not interested in the actual viticulture part, several places sell bonsai vines for ornamental purposes—including Wine Enthusiast magazine; they happened to sell one to me as a gift for my brother as he moved into a new home.  It promptly died, too.

Because of this premature death and because of ongoing transgressions in their wine magazine publishing business, one of my first acts will be to leverage my bipartisan support via the Wine Caucus and open up a Congressional Inquiry into Wine Enthusiast magazine’s questionable scruples in publishing—exchanging favoritism for advertising to editorial and review coverage. 

Thankfully, I am not alone in this outrage on behalf of the people.  Craig Camp at The Wine Blog Camp agrees, noting in a recent post:

It’s a joke, right? The Wine Enthusiast selects 2004 DeLoach 30th Anniversary Pinot Noir number 1 at the pinnacle of its top 100 wines of the year list. If this wasn’t so ridiculous it would be painful. However, we can retain our sense of humor because no one actually cares what The Wine Enthusiast thinks.

A recent review by the Good Grape for President Campaign noted the following in the March 2007 issue:

Of 104 content pages they were broken out thusly:

• 3 pages were Table of Contents or introductory related
• 35 pages were content related with 4 of the 35 pages associated with large photograph splash pages
• 8 pages were related to Wine Enthusiast promotions
• 20 pages were related to full page color ads
          o Inside front, inside back and back cover ads, not included in the 104 pages, add an additional 3 ad pages
• The Wine Buying Guide constituted 38 total pages with 14 pages having purchased advertisement

By my estimate, with the March 2007 edition of Wine Enthusiast magazine, on the heels of Wine Enthusiast naming Oliver Garden restaurant as its 2006 person(s) of the year, they have now ceased to be a magazine that serves readers, but rather are a politic mouthpiece for big wine. 

In a democratic society by the people and for the people, the Congressional Inquiry will work to validate and potentially disband the Marxist influence so obviously evident.

Our foreign policy is built upon maintaining goodwill internationally; especially as the U.S. overtake the French in overall wine consumption in the middle of my term.  Because of this, we will proactively institute French sensitivity training as offered by the Ile-de-France tourism board.  Every American will learn how to cop a French attitude to bolster an international esprit de corp.

Bolstered by the original vision of the U.S. founding fathers and especially Thomas Jefferson, we will also be instituting some economic measures related to wine.

In an effort to create a more egalitarian society around the numerous labels at every price point, regardless of potential or inherent quality and a complete lack of differentiation based upon packaging, we will be instituting an honor system at all places that sell wine at retail.  No longer will consumers pay $8.99 to $80 for a Pinot Noir that looks the same and may actually taste the same.  Instead, consumers, taking a page from a café in the suburbs of Seattle, will pay what they feel is the value of the wine, without regard for desired sell price from the producer or the distributor.  We believe in market driven economics for ALL wine. 

In the event that Christopher Walken gets knocked out of the primaries, I may appoint him to a high cabinet position, so please keep an eye on his candidacy, as well.

Remember, a “Chicken in every pot and a vineyard in every backyard.”  Good Grape for President.


Posted in, Good Grape Daily: Pomace & Lees. Permalink | Comments (3) |


On 02/18, el jefe wrote:

I want some of what you are <s>smoking</s> drinking….smile

Make it a Rubber Chicken in every pot and I won’t run against you.

On 09/23, Ronaldo wrote:

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Thank you!

On 10/27, North Face Jackets On Sale wrote:

gfBased on the popular brand,the products are always not cheap.So we come to shop but just can only do the window shopping. Especially for the young women and man,we do not get the high salary,but we want the top brand products,just like North Face Jackets, how can I own them? The easy way is finding the North Face clearance or North Face Jackets Sale time.


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